Opinion: Do you want to destroy your husband? Let me show you how

By AMARA BLESSING NWOSU: Keep reminding him that other men are better than him.

You wake up every morning and all he hears is how bad a husband he is. He lost his job and because of your short memory, you have forgitten how good it used to be. Now, the man can't even see himself rising out of the pit you have assisted the devil to dig for him. He can't go out to work hard because you have used

- Avoid Sex with him

Sex matters a lot and many husbands are dying on the inside, wishing their wives understood how much it really does matter. Due to long period of hurt from our husbands, we oftentimes allow anger to build up in out hearts thereby hindering us from enjoying sex with our man. There is still a Balm in Gilead, He will soothe every pain. 

- Become unrealistic with your demands

This has destroyed so many homes. Women, with their clear eyes, have brought down their homes. Iyabo's husband can afford the 350k lace and so you are not ready to accept anything less from your husband because Iyabo must not beat you to it. Who told you she must beat you to it? Your problem is your inability to put things together and stand out. What about my people during Christmas and August meeting? They are ready to sleep with another man just to tie that latest 'abada'. Please avoid turning your husband to an armed robber. 

It is a tremendous responsibility to be a financial provider for a family.  Some guys shoulder this alone (God bless our husbands). Don't intensify financial instability in your marriage by desiring things that are not realistic for your household income.

If you struggle with this, find a mature sister in Christ to counsel you and pray with you about getting your heart aligned with God on all things financial.

- Fake orgasm.

I know you may think that you are helping his ego by faking orgasm, but you are harboring a lie in your marriage bed.  That's bad spiritual mojo, if you ask me.

Be sexually vulnerable with him instead and show him how to sexually please you.  Your orgasm matters. God designed it and He wants you to experience it. Stop lying to hi right there on your matrimonial bed; stop the acting; don't be afraid of being called a prostitute, let him know what you like and how you love it.

-  Run to your family over little disagreements

If you still do this; you are not yet an adult.If ever there was a key ingredient to marital success, it has to be this-Leave and cleave.

I'm not saying you don't need safe confidantes when things get rocky.  You just don't need those havens to be your family.  It is almost impossible for them to give you impartial advice. Look for a good Christian woman and make her your friend. 

- Say "no" to what are reasonable sexual requests.

Obviously, if he is requesting another woman join the two of you in bed, or that you watch porn with him, or that the two of you take up "swinging" with the neighbors, or anal sex, you definitely need to say "no."  Activities like this compromise the sacredness of marital sexual intimacy. You can also take him for MFM deliverance.

BUT, if he is desiring sexual variety for which you have no biblical or reasonable justification to deny, then don't be so quick to say "no." Sex in a position other than missionary position?  Oral sex? Sex on the couch?  A quickie when he comes home for lunch? Take it easy with oral sex because of cancer of the throat. 

I beg you in. God's name, don't take " sister holiness" into your bedroom; even your bishop husband wants it in variety of ways. Give it to him anyhow he wants it as long as God is not displeased. 

- Never thank him for what he contributes to the life you share.

He serves you water while you eat; gets you serviettes; sometimes fixes breakfast for you; goes in for grocery shopping for you on his way home; buys you a dress in your favourite colour; helps babysit while you are out with friends, you need to be thankful. 

Let us be wives with an authentic responsibility to help our husbands be the men God has called them to be.  Let's be all about building manhood, not destroying it. Many husbands are no longer husbands because the women in their lives have turned them to babies. A good number of men have stopped being men; they are now more of broken arrows. Let us do something to help our men get back on their feet.