By AMARA BLESSING NWOSU: When I write certain things on
marriage, I see so many people react negatively to my thoughts. You are right,
but does your reaction make my word a lie? Certainly no. That you got into
marriage with the wrong person doesn't make marriage to stop being a beautiful
thing. Marriage remains the most beautiful thing ever.
Yes, I was battered and
bruised; some days I was locked up with no food just because I tried to ask a
question; I saw women brought into the matrimonial bedroom only for me to clear
up the used condoms after it all, without questions; my things were constantly
stolen by the numerous girls coming in and out of our home; my house helps
suddenly became my madams; even on Sunday mornings, I was beaten and I always
went to church with scars on and in my eyes and all people could see were the
designer sunshades covering the bleeding eyes and clothes covering the bleeding
heart; I had no right to say 'no' to those very expensive gifts because that
would mean hell for me, the world saw the wealth and affluence and believed
that I was in second heaven. Even when a baby from one of the numerous
girlfriends was brought into my home, I covered it up and took care of her for
seven years.
What are the things you have
seen leading you to draw the conclusion that marriage is bad? I am sure you
haven't heard 5% of my story.
Because I never complained to
anyone, not even my mother, everyone believed ours was marriage made in heaven
even though my mum felt my pain. For fourteen years, I couldn't speak out
because all I thought of was religion and my father's image as a pastor. But
all of a sudden, I realized that I was dying and gradually losing my sanity. I
cried to God to take me out from that hell. God did answer; and supernaturally,
I was locked out of my home of fourteen years. Did they just stop at that? No;
they had to cover up their lies by using the media against a helpless soul and
that's why I tell people never to believe everything they read about people
because all it takes most times is just 10,000 Naira. Who would fight for me?
No one, but God showed up.
Let me not start, I am not going
into my story because the time is not ripe and God hasn't given the go-ahead
for me to make it plain. I only want to show you that if there is anyone who
should advise against marriage and use all the offensive words on men, I am. I
was just a teenager when it happened and even when that wasn't my choice, I
made sure I did my best to make my marriage work and that is why I can walk
with shoulders high because I know there will never be another like me. Was I
perfect? Far from that because there were times I couldn't help messing up and
being nasty because I was pushed to the wall, but I was a perfect wife to
him.
I am happy now because God gave me
beauty for ashes and caused me to forget my years of misery. I am now loved and
spoilt to bits and I love my husband. But I wouldn't be here today if I had
sealed my heart with that "marriage is not necessary and there's nothing
good about it"; I wouldn't have met my husband if I bought into that
"men are useless" phrase. I almost did, but thank God for my pastor
who changed that mindset at a very early stage and told me that God took me
through it for Him to use me as a vessel of honour who would speak from
experience and with every boldness. Today, I have come to agree with my pastor
that what I went through was in the plan for my life, it was for my ministry
and God had to use Judas for the prophecy on salvation to be made real. This is
why I bear no grudge. I pray daily for him for God to make his life
beautiful.
Let me tell you, marriage is a very
beautiful thing and it is the desire of every woman or man to be married. Yes,
you may not want to seem desperate but don't let your carefulness become
foolishness. You can only get it right if you don't leave God out of it. Commit
your ways to Him and He shall direct your paths. Before I met my husband, I
prayed and opened up to God. I told God to ignore every man around me or
whoever I had in mind to settle down with; I told Him to give me His own will
and not mine. I met the good, the bad, and the ugly. I loved some wrong
persons. God being God, He blessed me with someone I never liked and as I went
close to him, I saw a different person entirely. He brought joy and laughter
back to my life (I love you honey).
Our problem is this issue of
"this is what I want". It's good to set standards; I do. But where we
are different is that after setting my standards, I always ask God to do His
own thing His own way. Daily, after my prayers and supplications, I conclude by
saying "Father, this is what I want, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours
be done in my life". It has always worked like magic and the blessings of
God make rich and add no sorrow. My husband is a confirmation to me that God
truly loves me because to him, Amara is just a baby girl. You may want him tall
with athletic body, light or dark skinned, short, tongue-talking, spirit
filled, huge, super educated; God's package for you may not look like any of
those things but inside it is what you really need. My husband is handsome and
super cute, but in terms of spirituality, I wouldn't have thought of going
close to him, I eventually did only to realize that he is more spiritual and
closer to God than the actors in church. May God never give you what you want;
may He bless you with what you truly need.
The reason we complain is because we
ignore God and do it our own way. Prophet Samuel almost anointed the wrong
person king just because he was charismatic and more like it. When David
finally appeared, he was dirty, tattered, and with no glory. But that's the
chosen one for Israel. You married him because he is good looking and super
rich. You married her because she is "Miss Universe" with straight
legs, curvy body, and pointed breasts. You married him or her because of the
financial benefits; what then happens when and if those things cease to exist?
You married, not because you can trust him or her; not because God asked you
to; not because you genuinely love him or her, but because of your own selfish
reasons.
Every Satan's gift has an
expiry date. If you are one of God's favorites, He will find a way to cause
commotion and bring you out from the mess you got into. When you are out, don't
hate men or women because of your experience, see God's hand in it and get up
again. If you cannot trust your spouse with your material possession, why go
ahead deceiving yourself and answering married man or woman? If you can't trust
your spouse, millions are out there trusting and loving genuinely. That you
made a mistake doesn't mean every other person did/does. That you are unhappy
in marriage doesn't mean others are. Stop making those negative comments about
relationships and marriage. If you think you don't need a man, woman or
marriage to be happy, why keep a boyfriend in the first place. We need each
other to survive.
Men, be sure that you are
giving your wife, not what you think every woman wants, but what she truly
wants. Ladies, has your heart been broken and torn in pieces? Don't worry, God
will send you a heart mender. Walk with God, He knows you are not perfect, but
He doesn't want you to remain in your mess. Give Him the shattered pieces of
your heart and watch as He puts them back together without leaving any evidence
of a broken heart. There are still good men and women out there, but God won't
give you one of His precious children in this your state of mind because you will
destroy them. Open up to His Spirit, if you have to cry, cry it out before God
and let go of the past. Forgive him; forgive her. The new will not come until
you let go of the old. God wouldn't want to pour in a new wine into that old
wine container.
And the two shall become one flesh,
on this I stand!
Amara Blessing Nwosu
Website: www.amarablessing.com
Email: amara@amarablessing.com
Twitter:twitter.com/Amarablessing
Tel: +2348116706852; 018446595
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