-Leaving
her alone in the marriage: One of the quickest ways to destroy your
marriage is to leave your wife alone. Spend long hours at work, followed
by a beer afterward with the guys. When you get home, don't engage her
or your children. Lose yourself in baseball or computer poker. On the
weekends, complain about the messy house, then leave to run errands.
Don't come back for several hours. The most miserable thing for a wife
is when you isolate her by emotionally leaving the relationship. Yes,
she has friends, and a job. Yes, she spends a lot of time running the
kids around. It's not the same. Her desire is to spend time with you,
the man she loves. To be left alone by her husband causes deep heartache
for women. For most women, their largest fears boil down to isolation
and deprivation. When she feels abandoned by you, she attacks with
hurtful and disrespectful behavior. Her ability to verbally hurt you is
her strongest weapon, and she uses it out of fear, trying to get your
attention.
-Let her know how useless she is to
you. You do this forgetting that the toughest but often neglected job on
earth is motherhood and raising godly children. Thank her for bring
just a housewife because if you keep using those nasty words on her, a
time will come that she would rise to show you that she has all it takes
to be better than those women you admire out there. When this happens,
that lovely woman becomes a beast.
-Never
say, "I'm sorry.": All marriages have conflict. The refusal to
apologize is a quick way to destroy yours. While conflict is not a
pleasant thing, growth and closeness can increase as conflict is
resolved. For your wife, an apology means she has moved forward, through
the conflict and is now seeking peace. Many husbands see apologizing as
a sure sign of weakness. They think, "If I apologize, she won't respect
me." On the contrary, if you humbly apologize and ask her forgiveness,
your wife will be putty in your hands. Your small act of contrition
soothes her spirit, a healing balm over her heart. Real men shed tears
and women get broken when they see tears in the eyes of the man they
love.
-Dont
ever tell her those sweet words and don't remind her that she is the
most beautiful creature on earth. Women thrive on words, no matter her
age, she yearns for those sweet words. Don't let another assist you in
that job.
-Don't bother knowing, relating with, and liking your in-laws.
A
good number of women are selfish, not because they naturally are, but
because they found themselves with husbands who care less how her own
people feed. A husband who doesn't know that he should have his wife's
parents on monthly allowance. A husband who thinks and talks his own
family alone. A husband who makes he feel that visiting her own family
is a waste of time. A husband who doesn't remember to call her parents
and siblings. Christmas is coming, that same husband won't even bother
sending a bag of rice to his in-laws and knowing the joy of a mother is
to eat from her children.
-Ehee;
never stop reminding her that she must be submissive. When you do this,
you are only telling her how much of a failure you are. Men who sing
the submission song are often those who have lost control of their
homes. It's either you are with the wrong woman or that you haven't
given her the head she has to submit to. When you are truly the
head-provide food, clothe her, make her a friend, and give her shelter,
you will naturally become the head in the home. Wives are called to
submissive and the word of God is not debatable (it's unconditional),
but they find it easier submitting to a man who submits to God and
nature.
-Make it difficult for her to be vulnerable with you. A long time ago, I read a quote that said, "Everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something." So true. Are you a safe landing spot for her? Can she be real with you?
She needs to be able to be messy and unglued with you -- and to know it's not going to freak you out or shut you down. She's a woman. Messy and unglued is how we roll.
-Choose your family over her. Oh.
My. Goodness. So many wives already feel threatened or frustrated by
the role your mother (and possibly your entire family) play in your
life. You made a decision to leave your family and cleave to your wife. Do you still need to honor your parents? Absolutely. But
when "honoring" means never setting clear boundaries with your family,
something is askew. I guarantee your wife will want to get the heck out
of Dodge whenever they are around. That's not a good feeling.
-Don't consult her on life-impacting decisions. When
we choose marriage, we are choosing to be partners with another person.
Your wife is your partner in life. She has a voice. And
while I don't think she should be able to override what you genuinely
believe are godly, prayer-drenched and Holy Spirit tested decisions, I
do think you need to listen to her. She
is likely intuitive in ways you have not considered. And she wants to
feel secure in her home and her relationship with you.
-This
is serious; just use religion to subdue her. You know you like women
with jewelries and makeup but because you want to save money, you took
her to a church where all women do is tie velvet on their hair while men
wear their designer suits. Are you sure she is happy being their? Be
sure that is what she wants.
-Stop
dating her in marriage. She still wants those night outs, weekends in
hotels, and holidays. She wants time alone with you.
-Show
no interest in her career. Doing this makes you just another man in her
life. What positive changes have taken place in her life and career
since you married her?
I'm
not one of those who believe in that " I loved my wife the day I
married her and I love her now". I am sure you want to be a husband who
builds her womanhood rather than destroys it, right? She needs that kind of husband. She needs you to help her be the woman God is calling her to be.
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