Ann Njemanze finally opens up on Segun Arinze, says marrying him was a big mistake...reveals why she settled for a younger lover

 

Ann and new hubby, Silver (insert) Segun Arinze

Tinsel star and talented Nollywood actress, Ann Njemanze recently remarried 16 years after her first marriage to star actor Segun Arinze collapsed amid accusations and counter accusations of infidelity.

In this no-holds-barred encounter, the mother of two took us down memory on the many crises that finally crashed her first union as well as reasons marrying Arinze was one of the worst mistakes of her youthful life.

The rejuvenated thespian also confessed why she agreed to marry her new husband, who is five years younger than her, among many other interesting issues. Enjoy the chat.

 How has life been treating you in your new marriage?

Marriage just started for me on November, 9, 2013. It feels nice so far. I can’t conveniently say that we are on honeymoon because we are both working, so our honeymoon is going to be after Christmas.

What kind of work are you into?

I work. I have an every day job. I work with the National Theatre of Nigeria, that’s where I work every day. I am a civil servant ­­­­­­ (laughs).

Have you left acting job?

No, I haven’t. They still see me on Tinsel. Aside that, my company always organizes stage productions and grooming youths, making them understand the Nigerian art and appreciate the community in which they live. We notice these days that the western culture has deceived us so much, so we try to make the youths know how to differentiate what is right from what is wrong. Right now we are into the propagation of African culture.

How then do you cope with Tinsel shootings and your job?

My weekends are so tight because that’s all I do. From Friday evening, I go to Tinsel location and play my role quite well.

How did you meet your husband?

I went for a lecture in the University of Lagos three years ago and they were talking about Nollywood movies. That the movies need to be accepted globally. The speaker in charge also advised actors and actress to go for Masters Degree programme.

So I decided to heed to his advice. A friend of my mine introduced me to Silver (my husband) and asked me to meet and collect reference materials anytime I am ready to embark on the MSC.

After the introduction, I didn’t set my eyes on him until a year after when I came to do registration for my masters.

As I stood in front of the registration office, somebody said ‘hello’ and I was surprised because I couldn’t recall his face.  He saved me the stress and re-introduced himself.

Three months after we met, we discovered that we had a lot in common. He is in love with nature and very interactive as well. He is born again, he is non-judgmental. He is transparent and I think that worked for us.

Fifteen years ago, after I left my first marriage, you know what the story was for me. It was crazy but today I thank God the story has changed.

When did he propose?

He proposed to me very early this year. He just said he was going to marry me. I took it for granted, like he was just joking about it. I never saw the possibility because then he didn’t know much about me. I think he just saw a woman he could exchange a lot of ideas with. He proposed to me properly. Seven months later, he gave me a ring. He was shaking all over like a leaf. He is light complexioned, so as he was proposing, he was all red. I love him so much because he is very courageous. He could actually walk up to me and propose despite all the negative things he has heard about me. My failed marriage to Segun Arinse, the child I had after the marriage, the so many scandalous stories about me, the Domitola role I played, there were lots of negative stories around me, yet he didn’t give in to that, he was very defensive and loved me all through.

 So what really happened in your previous marriage?

I can’t tell you this is what happened but you see I remember when I was still in secondary school; I used to gather my friends then in Gboko secondary school, Benue State. I used to tell stories of how my bed would look like. That it would be made of iron and look like the ones we see in magazines and all that. I had a queen thing in my head. But my ex was a lot older. He didn’t really give me all those sweet things that I fantasized. I left my ex lover because of the differences we had, at a time I found out I couldn’t continue with the relationship so I had to opt out.

So you are saying that it was just differences that made you quit?

Yeah, for me it was differences. But after I left him, he was so hurt that he said a lot of negative things against me. Everybody listened to him but nobody heard my own side. I was badly hurt too. But I didn’t want to reply him, so it won’t be over emphasized. He is the talking type but I am not.

What is your relationship with your ex like now?

I can’t say we are friends and I can’t say we are enemies either. I can’t speak for him. He is married now. I have grown and I have learnt a lot as well. As a result of my first marriage, I experienced a lot of things I never knew I would go through. The society would judge you when you prove that you are not weak and that was what happened to me. A lot of people will always say you are a single mother and so you are not worth it. I actually had a boyfriend that told me that he doesn’t think any man would like to have anything serious to do with me. He also said I should consider becoming a second wife. I had a long period of no boyfriend because I later realised all they wanted was just sex and no commitment. It was very horrible. Especially when you are left to bring up a child alone.

It was so bad that at the stage I had a son. But my son’s father is awesome. We are friends till tomorrow. He takes good care of his son.

He has his own family. We couldn’t marry because he was a Muslim. Although we didn’t really plan to get married, we were just having fun before I took in.

I am happy that I didn’t give in to all those negative thoughts. I have few good friends and a strong family too. It took the grace of God to raise me up again because I really fell in the past.

It was rumoured that your marriage to (Silver) was your third marriage, is it true?

No! I didn’t have any other marriage; except Segun and this new marriage. As a matter of fact, my first marriage was in court and my parents didn’t even collect the bride price. We had issues, so my dad said I can’t go ahead with the marriage because he came unprepared. But after much pleading by my ex, he was considered but my father didn’t take the bride price.

I was already pregnant and I didn’t want to back down, that was why I persisted on marrying him even when my family was against our union.

So basically what I did with my ex was just court marriage. But somewhere along the line we went on to do our white wedding.

Would you say the marriage foundation was not strong enough ab initio?

I won’t say whether it was strong; I just know that we weren’t meant to be together. In fact, we didn’t have any business whatsoever being together.  We shouldn’t have been. I was young, he was very much older than me. Lot of things went wrong.

 How old were you then?

Very early in my 20s. I was actually doing my I.T then. I had appeared in ‘Checkmate’ and was about going back to Uniport for Theatre arts.

You mentioned that your son’s father is responsible, how about that of your daughter?

No! He is not at all. But it’s okay. His daughter calls him, ‘Mr. Arinze’. By next year she would be in the university by God’s grace.

What is her name?

Remmy Njemanze

What are his excuses for abandoning his responsibilities?

Yeah, but it’s okay, he has his reasons. According to him, she bears my surname. But there is a reason for that. Each time I went to him for upkeep, it was one story or the other. And I said, “Listen, I can’t keep training your child, while she would be bearing your surname. I won’t have it.

You just don’t stretch out to reach her whenever you feel like. The girl is 16, and she’s a lady.  She is growing. When I was down, my family stood by me in taking care of me. They were there for me and her also.

Isn’t she looking for a father figure?

She couldn’t have been looking for a father figure. You heard me say I have a strong family, so there’s no way she could have been looking for a father figure. I am an Igbo girl, we don’t throw ours away, if you know anything about the Igbo tradition, we don’t. ‘Ndi Igbo adi aju nwa’.

We saw your dad on your wedding day, how about your mum?

She was there, you probably didn’t know she was my mother. She is still very young and agile.

Why the choice of low-cut hair style over the years?

 Right from my secondary school days, I had a very full hair. If I use relaxer, it would relax well and obey for that day, give it couple of days, it would become tattered again.  Now I‘m a full grown woman, nobody can stop me from carrying my hair anyhow I want it. My husband too likes it, so I am safe and free.

He is the reason I wasn’t wearing a wig on my wedding day, he refused.

Has he ever been married before?

No, he’s never been married before, no way. This is his last marriage in Jesus name. He is the only son of his parents too.

How do you feel now being married again after a 15 years hiatus?

The truth is this, even now; people will read this interview and still judge me wrongly.  But it doesn’t really matter because it is not the idea of bearing “Mrs.” I’ve gone sixteen years without bearing “Mrs”.  It is the idea that at night, you really want to have a companion, when I say “at night” I mean, at the end of your life.

By God’s grace, the children will come, they’ll grow up, and they’ll leave you. You live your own life; you need somebody who is the bone of your bone, the flesh of your flesh, that’s just it.

A lot of ladies get the idea wrong; there is nothing a man can do for a woman that if a woman works so hard she won’t get.

 If you can, if God gives you the grace, there’s nothing you can’t have. You can have property, you can have maturity and you can have anything you want to have, so it’s not that. It is companionship; it’s the fear of God for those who want to go into marriage.

Now I know I have my heart, my soul and my spirit is for somebody, somebody who cares for me, somebody who respects me, somebody who loves me dearly.  It’s not easy to find, I tell you, a lot of people make that mistake. When you’ve gone through the things that I’ve gone through, you’ll understand that there’s a lot more than just being married.

He looks so young and fresh, is he younger than you?

Yeah! He is, with few years. My husband and I don’t have up to five years between us. And he is not bothered about it.

In the industry today, most of your contemporaries and even younger ones are big stars, are you not feeling bad?

What is success? I don’t understand the idea of buying one stone and coming to the papers and saying oh! I bought a stone, it’s not for me.  I don’t understand “I can’t go into public transport” I don’t understand going to an orphanage and then posting it online. If that is success, I won’t pass.

For me success is looking at my children, looking at the family I have.  Looking at where I’m coming from and being able to sit up and to stand as a role model until people would say, “Oh! I want to be like that person”, that’s me.

Success is speaking and not saying “it’s like”, ‘as in, ‘you know’. I hear a lot of celebrities say that. They can hardly say a line of English without saying “it’s like, as in”.

Success is being responsible and positive to your society. I’m still in the faces of people that for me is success.

What are your big regrets in life?

Not knowing God sooner than when I did.

Don’t you regret your first marriage?

Regret it? My daughter is taller and finer than I am. She is the head-girl of her school. In less than two weeks, she is going for a photo-shoot.  At 16, she has started earning money for herself. She is writing for a magazine and you ask if I regret it? I thank him (Segun Arinze)!! Without him I wouldn’t have met my Silver (new husband).

 Do you know what it means? Regret? Please no way, that’s not possible. There was a time it did hurt me, it hurt me a lot. I just had to forgive whatever there is to forgive and fly!  I cried a lot, I cried all night. Each time I wanted to commit suicide, I would just turn on the TV to hear the last voices before taking that drastic decision.  

Fortunately for me, it was always on Sundays and somehow a pastor would be preaching. I would be so touched after crying my eyes out.

I had friends, very few who came to my aid. I must tell you getting a job at National Theatre was by God’s grace, being able to do voiceovers and jingles too.

Some people don’t know that I sold drinks from my sitting room.  From the deep Freezer in my house during this time, nobody knew all these, what they see today is a big star.

When I go to events, I don’t even like to be on the red carpet, I just want to go for the event. If it’s worth it, good, if it’s not, okay I was here bye-bye.

Really, there’s no regret, I just thank God.  It has been wonderful. But it’s not easy for single mothers.  If you don’t have a child, you’re stigmatized.  You have a child and you don’t have a husband, you’re stigmatized. I happened to fall in the latter category and it was very bitter then.

Why did it take so long for you to finally remarry?

At times some men would tell me that they were actually doing me a favour by dating me and they can’t do anything serious with me. I would be so hopeful that I have got a man to call my own, but it crashes just before it got started.

Then some of my family members said a lot. They were like, ‘No be your mates dey do abortion, why must you disturb us with your children’.

 I really pity single mothers, but I urge them to rise above where society placed them. Whether you are good or bad, they must find something negative to say against you.

Single mothers should be proud of the child they have and not hide it. Any man that loves you should accept your kid or kids.

Don’t you sometimes nurse the fear that this marriage might break again?

No! I reject it in Jesus name. Although, we have our differences, just like other couples do, but it’s not enough to say, we no do again. Before we got married, we told ourselves that divorce is not an option, neither is separation. We have gone before God to seal it and we trust our marriage and love into His hands.

Apart from that, my mother in-law is very supportive. She loves me so much and she doesn’t see anything wrong in our union.

Although before we got married, she was scared when she heard I was a celebrity, but after we met, she fell in love with me and gave us her full support.

By RITA OKOYE